Here it is! Wow! A great one!
Just look at the tagline.
A huge achievement in the “funny action movie” genre with a mind blowing budget of $10 000 000.
Director Marc L. Lester, known for such classics in the genre as the Stephen King’s adaptation “Firestarter”,“Showdown in Little Tokyo” and many more, has done a great job, helping Arnie to show all of his potential in this blasting roller coaster.
There aren’t any known names in the cast, to draw your attention off from Arnold, like for example, Sharon Stone does in “Total Recall”.
The plot is far from original but this is not so important, simply because only a retard would expect deep character development and story narrowing like in the “Godfather”.
Arnold is John Matrix, a very tough badass (what do you expect) and a retired elite Commando who lives a peaceful life in the forest until one day several pricks kidnap his little daughter in order to blackmail him to lead a revolution and to give the power back to an evil dictator.
This is a Funny Action Movie Because
From the first scene in which Arnold appears, you have to be impressed by his strength and the shape of his muscles. The guy is walking in the forest and carrying a gigantic tree on his shoulder, looking like a lethal killing machine. Basically, in every scene he is beating his chest and screaming “I am the bodybuilding itself”.
Basically, in every scene, he is beating his chest and screaming “I am the bodybuilding itself”.
And it really looks like Arnie is shooting the film between his chest training breaks. He’s full of protein, testosterone and ready to explode. It is very funny when he is cutting woods as well, or when he is naked and playing with his beloved daughter in the river. How sweet Daddy he is! It is a bit like watching Rambo feeding little puppies.
The dialogue is so hilarious and dumb that you keep thinking that some 5-year-old kid is the screenwriter. Mr. Schwarzenegger’s acting is as stiff as usual, so you definitely won’t be disappointed.
There are plenty of ridiculous lines as well.
For instance, when John Matrix promises to a bad guy that he will kill him last but he kills him before the others (because of the steroids washed his brain) by throwing him off of a rock, this goes like this “Remember, Matrix, when you told me that you will kill me last. “ With a cold look on his rocky face, Matrix confesses “I lied!!!!!!” and throws him away.
Of course, this line is shaped with a significant amount of hilarious Austrian accent.
Happily, there are plenty of such lines like for example “Right? –“Wrong” as is the answer of Arnold after shooting one poor bad guy in the stomach and he dies, being probably the 345th victim of the cold-blooded Commando.
The grand finale of the movie can make you feel pain in the cheeks from laughing while you are questioning yourself “How one could make such a movie and meant it to be serious?!”
John Matrix is shooting with a machine gun in the dictator’s quarters and kills approximately a thousand of mercenaries without even a scratch on his body.
You need to be ashamed if you love the Arnold flicks and you’ve missed this one. It is one of his best and definitely worth your time if you want to make a six-pack without doing even one exercise.
Go watch it and tell me what do you think about it after your laughing spasms stop! If they do.
Drop me a comment below! Isn’t it hilarious?