We hope you are reading this.
We want you to know that we consider “Under Siege” as the best movie in your career.
Where are you? The real ‘you’?
Not the one from rubbish flicks like “The Keeper”, “Maximum Conviction”, or “Born To Raise Hell”, but the one who kicks ass in the popular blockbuster, directed by Andrew Davis?
We miss you so much and even though we are great fans of all your funny action films, we are waiting for your return in the big Hollywood game.
Let’s talk about our all-time favorite ‘Under Siege’ now.
It is a lifetime opportunity to receive the chance to play the leading role in a big-budgeted movie, directed by the box-office conqueror who made chef d’oeuvres like “The Fugitive”, “and “A Perfect Murder”.
Andrew Davis is definitely a director who knows how to do it.
You should also know that you look awesome next to Gary Busey, the ultra- hot Erica Eleniak known for “Baywatch” and of course Tommy Lee Jones.
We like the plot as well and our huge love for you makes us completely ignore the fact that it is clichéd and flat.
You must agree with that, Steve.
A birthday party for the captain of a heavily armed ship goes terribly wrong when the musicians invited to have a gig on the board turn out to be terrorists with very bad intentions.
It is a pretty simple action story, masterfully executed by Andrew Davis, who had a disposal of $35 million bucks from the production studio in order to accomplish his mission.
The movie has gained over $160 million worldwide. This is what a liquid investment looks like!
This is what a liquid investment looks like!
Now, this is a Funny Action Movie because:
It’s so fun watching the spectacular boobs of Erika Eleniak, when she jumps out of the birthday cake (she plays Miss Playboy for July ’89), totally unaware of the fact that there are dead bodies, grenades, and cartridges all over the place.
Nevermind, she was under the influence of heavy pills, given to her by the vicious Cmdr. Krill, played very well by Gary Busey who is the leader of the bad guys, so that’s normal.
We also like very much how ordinary men, like teachers (like Gary Daniels in “Rage”, for instance) and in our case like you, Steven – a cook, turn out to be killing machines, capable of spreading death all around them.
At least in this action flick, there is an explanation for the impressive skills of the otherwise harmless cook.
He is a former SEAL, now a kitchen boss on a battleship, after being disgraced from the army.
Once he realizes that the terrorists are invading the ship, your character Casey Ryback takes justice into his own hands and starts breaking arms, exactly in the way we all know that he does this.
Oh, this is so typical for you, Steven!
The mastering aikido chief of cuisine and his brand new sidekick – the hot Miss July 89’ are infiltrating the ship and trying to stop the terrorists from destroying some parts of the world with nuclear rockets.
Throughout the entire movie, we are witnessing a good number of shootings, broken arms, and the immortality of your character Casey Ryback.
He is a real Commando-Rambo-alike one-man army and easily manages to kill hundreds of men without even receiving a minor scratch.
To save the world from a nuclear attack and to beat the shit out of a massive number of highly skilled terrorists is like a walk in the park for our cook.
Erica Eleniak has quickly forgotten that she is just an erotic model and has found her real vocation-helping the cook terrorizing the terrorists.
What a sexy badass, she is!
Tommy Lee Jones is super convincing playing the role of a rock and roll star, who turns to be a psychotic maniac.
As usual, his acting is flawless.
What was it like to act side by side with such a legend, Steven?
The end of this well-done action hero movie would be difficult to be described as unexpected but it is still entertaining, though.
At the very end, once the terrorists are killed, the cook kisses Miss July and voila, they are now officially a couple, without even showing some mutual sympathy during the whole movie.
But hey, Cupid is unpredictable and shoots without warning.
Dear Steven, we hope that it is clear how much we appreciate you.
We love to watch over and over again “Under Siege”, which is among the best action movies of the 90’s.
We’d like to see more of you on the big screen.
Please, please do the needful, shall you?
Your Fans, FunnyActionMovies.com
If you could, what question would you ask Steven Seagal. Please leave me a comment below and be so kind to share this post!